“Who am I to judge?” is a sentiment that has gathered much traction because the world has dug itself into little trenches of self-reference and self-protection. We have gone one step further than the Cartesian Cogito. “I think, therefore I am” is fundamentally “I am the centre of the universe”. As such, I must do what I can to protect that universe. This feels like a full circle. The movement from geo-centrism to helio-centrism to a narrower ego-centrism.
The imperative “Do not judge” is correct because we cannot fully know a person’s intention or motivation. However, we do not live alone without relationship to others and that means that what is available before us are the actions of a person. They form the basis for our judgements.
Instead of drawing lines here and there to determine “judging” perhaps the question “Who am I to judge?” should direct our focus to “encounter” more than to “labelling”. It invites us to meet a person rather than to classify or categorise him or her. Here, we are not talking of condoning a person’s behaviour. Rather it is an invitation to be open to the possibility of encounter and allow us to separate a person from his or her actions. That is important.
However the truth remains that we continually judge. Rather than hiding behind the impersonal “we”, better I speak from my experience. The minute I see a face; I am already assessing a person. Whether I like it or not, I am constantly making assessments and assumptions about a person. Now, here comes a person, who, in my assessment is a sandwich short of a picnic. To be fair, it is a two-way street. People passing my office window will immediately have impressions. Me too when I stare out. “Who is that?” and given the way the person dresses, I am already analysing the situation.
What shall I do? For example, the beggar whom I encounter in the food court, always with the same sob story that I can even repeat word for word. Or the parishioner who will come and the “please, my I have 5 minutes” will stretch into a good 25 minutes and despite my attempts to steer the conversation, the story will move from A to B to C. Therefore the question, “What I supposed to do?” is relevant since I am not supposed to judge. Yet the reality is, I would try my best to avoid that person at all costs.
This is who we are. We are judging all the time. The point is not if we were judgemental but rather how we can encounter each other better and what sort of compassion should we bear each other? That is where God’s mercy can be experienced and appreciated.
His mercy is reflected in the compassion we demonstrate, in the respect towardand in the sensitivity to the needs of others. Having said that, all these actions are not incompatible with judging in the sense that even though we show mercy towards others, it does not exclude the reality that some actions are incompatible with civilised and accepted human behaviour. It also means that we recognise some behaviours are beyond the pale of our religious beliefs. So, the call to be merciful does not negate the truth of what we believe in or the actions we need to take.
Mercy as action towards and on behalf of others fall within two categories—the spiritual acts of mercy or the corporal acts of mercy. In fact, the Church prescribes a list of things we should do and it might be good to re-learn how the Church looks at mercy. Feed the hungry, quench the thirsty, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, visit the sick and imprisoned, bury the dead. These belong to the time-tested corporal acts of mercy and under Pope Francis, he also listed the care for our common home as a corporal act of mercy.
Corporal acts of mercy are easier to do or realise. What is more difficult to accomplish are the spiritual acts of mercy. Instruct the ignorant or teach them the faith, counsel the doubtful, admonish the sinner, comfort the sorrowful, bear wrongs patiently, forgive all injuries and pray for the living and the dead.
In a climate where everyone believes that he or she knows the best, instructing or teaching is not an easy task. Coupled with a belief that personal autonomy is the supreme authority for one’s behaviour, it is not easy to point out the faults of others, even lovingly. What more, to bear injustice from others and to forgive them.
Mercy is not just what we receive from God nor should we confuse it with “tolerance”. To trust God’s mercy is an invitation to savour God’s love and to repent of our sins. While God’s mercy is infinite, it also means that we seek and receive it with remorse and repentance.
The message of repentance is not always appreciated. When someone is so wrapped up by hurt, the tendency is to avoid the truth and go along with the idea of “accompaniment”. A good example is a divorcee who is in a second marriage. She had been hurt by the first marriage and now the second marriage is considered to be irregular which technically means that she is living in sin. Translated, she is barred from the reception of Holy Communion. The present practice is to turn a blind eye to the irregularity of the second marriage simply because of the fear of reigniting the hurt that comes from the first failed marriage.
There is a confusion which often mistakes passive tolerance of sinful behaviour as mercy. For mercy to be divine, it requires our active and loving intervention to heal an offender rather than accepting or even enabling the offence. It is hard work and not easy.
Finally, it is true that God’s mercy is much bigger than ours. We do not judge only because we cannot always see the bigger picture. But we can judge actions which are incompatible with our faith and the Church’s teaching. We need the courage to call them out but with charity bearing in mind that the salvation of souls remains the Church’s chief duty. Whatever the confusion in terms of what mercy is, the Church still needs to uphold that mercy is inseparable from truth. While it may be uncomfortable, we cannot coexist with wrong doing or sin. For those who betray God, mercy makes a lot of sense. Somehow they are not going to change because we yell at them or even punish them. God’s grace is what they need. For them, we pray and ask God to bless them, not so much that they will change but rather that they may experience the profound healing of God’s mercy and are moved to change in return. The goal of mercy is always directed to the salvation of the whole human person.
