The Call of Matthew serves as a reminder that Jesus loves sinners. But, what does it mean that Jesus loves sinners? Has this phrase lost its currency? The reason I ask this question because we do live the era of “Jesus loves sinners” Christianity. So when I hear “Jesus loves you”, my reaction is “so what”? It may be a case of familiarity that breeds contempt but our loss of appreciation for “Jesus loving sinners” may account for a deficient notion or understanding of discipleship. In other words, not appreciating that Jesus loves sinners makes for poor discipleship.What is the connexion between being a sinner and discipleship?
If the “Call of Matthew” is a call to discipleship, then discipleship must have a connexion with the knowledge of one’s sins; or better still, awareness of one’s sinfulness. Unless we know that we are sinners, then we cannot fully embrace the call to be a disciple. In the Gospel, we hear the Call of Matthew presented with such simplicity. It was as simple as Matthew just got up and followed Jesus. But, consider this fact: The tax collectors were hated because they were perceived to be collaborators with an occupying force; they were seen to be traitors to their own people. Nothing is more despicable than to have your own people betray you. So, it was to this hated class of people that Jesus said: “I have not come to call the virtuous, but sinners”.
Matthew couldn’t have sat in the customs house day in and day out without feeling the glares or stares of those whom he taxed. He would have been a man acutely aware of his despised state of life. So, when Jesus called, Matthew found a way out of his wretched life. He did not just get up and followed Jesus. He actually left behind a way of life. Discipleship means leaving behind a way of life for another way of life.
Many of us do live wretched lives. If life were not wretched, then explain why we need to be who we are not? If we were that happy with whom we are, then many of the cosmetic companies would be out of commission. But, we are not that concerned with wretched lives coming as they were from having not enough food to eat or not feeling good about ourselves etc. What we are concerned with is that one of the most wretched states in life is to be in sin. For many of us, we suffer the humiliating embarrassment of failure that no matter how hard we try to overcome our sins, we never seem to overcome them. Isn’t that one reason why people fear confession? People despair that they are unable to overcome their habitual sins.
But, look at the life the Saints, notably St Ignatius. His vision of discipleship was founded on his acute awareness of his sinfulness and how Christ had saved him from sin. That knowledge accounts for the Jesuit motto: Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam... for the greater glory of God. He strove for God’s greater glory simply in grateful response for the salvation that he had received. Here is where we part ways with the Saints.
Our contemporary experience of sin is that we believe ourselves to be more or less “integrated”. If we accept that we are more re less “whole”, then we do not really need God. In which case, the result is often a lukewarm response discipleship. Before Mass, I heard confession and was slightly delayed starting Mass. As I was walking towards the central aisle to begin our entrance procession, I made a joke to a group of women: “So many sins lah”... They laughed and one of them replied jokingly, “That’s why we don’t go because we have no sins”. When we have no sins, then our desire to serve may not be far from a notion of doing God or the community a favour. It does not take much to move from “I am volunteering my service” to “doing God a favour”. If one has no sins, or rather no awareness of sin and forgiveness, then it is easy to forget that serving God is a response in thanksgiving to being saved. So, discipleship is not just leaving one state of life for another. A greater awareness of one’s sinfulness leads to a deeper gratitude for God’s salvation and that will bear fruit in giving the best of oneself to God. That is the meaning of ad maiorem Dei gloriam. In this sense, discipleship is an expression of sorrow for one’s sin and gratitude for God’s love. Otherwise, one can be led to a sense that one stands as a disciple before Christ on one’s own merit.
Matthew recognised his wretched sinful life. Thus, he knows that Christ called him not for anything outstanding in him. Perhaps, he would be the last person Christ would call. But, Christ came for sinners, for those who are sick. Many of us are far from this necessary awareness of unworthiness. Our challenge is to grow in the awareness that one is a sinner and unworthy yet called to be an Apostle for Christ, a Disciple of Christ.
