The Gospel sets up the scenario for us to consider how forgiveness operates. Peter is curious about how often one has to forgive and suggested a quantity which to most people would come across as generous. The response of Jesus was profoundly qualitative in the sense that the King’s generosity in forgiving the servant’s debt and the servant’s inability to forgive his fellow servant had no comparison. A disciple is called to forgive immensely.
This is our challenge. Forgiveness is not easy and many people struggle with it. A good example is the case of infidelity or adultery. For example, how can a husband forgive his cheating wife? Let me just say that this question sounds odd, skirting, as it were, on the thin ice of misogynistic patriarchy. Statistics might just reveal that men do most of the cheating. Still the question remains how a man or a woman forgive his or her spouse for infidelity.
Why do we struggle with it? Why are we not able to forgive? Perhaps the answer is revealed through the popularity of a genre of movies like the Equaliser or the Punisher. Denzel Washington has never acted in a sequel except this franchise in which he is depicted as a man who rights the wrongs. It is a tell-tale sign, no doubt. Why? Our justice system is perverted.
Recently Rowan Atkinson, whom many are more familiar with the character of Mr Bean, spoke on the topic of “free speech”. He admitted that he, being a personality, can get away with murder in whatever he says because the law, in general, will not touch him. However, he raised concern on behalf of those who might not enjoy the protection, not of the law, but of the court of popularity. When you are rich or famous, the rules do not apply.
We have two-tier system of justice. The usual sense is that only the rich will enjoy the benefits of this type of justice system. Lack of access to proper justice tends to make the yearning for closure so much more acute.
True justice can be better understood if we look at the phenomenon of revenge. Those who seek revenge are presumably looking to right a wrong which has not been made right under the law. In the case where the victim who had been denied justice now exacts his or her revenge, the question is how long will the satisfaction of getting even last? Schadenfreude, an experience we all are familiar with, is a German composite word that is made up of damage and joy. It describes taking pleasure in the misfortune of others, most especially of one’s enemy. Like someone you hate has met with an accident, you cannot escape the sneaking thought inside that goes, “serves him right”. But we all know that once the initial exuberance felt that a misfortune has befallen an enemy dies off, we are left with the same feeling of dissatisfaction.
The deeper root of our struggle is possibly due to the loss of faith in the Resurrection. We do not trust that God can take care of us, if not in this life, then in the next. Faith in God cannot be confounded meaning that God will never let us down. He is the Father of the poor, the widow and the orphans. He is the protector the oppressed and in His might mercy will see to it that we receive the justice we need and the mercy we deserve.
Trust in God allows the will to forgive. To forgive is a matter of the will and not a description of our emotion. It is the desire to forgive and not a feeling that one has forgiven. The fact is that forgiveness does not guarantee a good feeling which many erroneously would equate “forgetting” as a quality associated with forgiveness. In reality, even though one has forgiven and years have passed, sometimes, we can be reminded of an incident and are overcome by visceral feelings surrounding an old emotional trauma. It is just an feeling and it does not mean that we have not forgiven.
The ability to let go must be hinged on a reality which we hold on to. It is the idea that perfect satisfaction for our pain comes from God alone. He alone can heal our broken hearted. Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic Roman Emperor said that the best revenge is to be unlike your enemy rings true. We might believe that exacting an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth will salve the raw wound or fill the aching void in our hearts when in actual fact, it is only temporary until we recognise that only in God will our pain be healed.
Forgiveness is possible because it frees us from heavy burden of anger and hate weighing down our shoulders. We can be so blinded by rage that we fail to realise that the target of our hatred is sleeping soundly at night. No, forgiveness does not mean we pretend that there was no hurt. Instead we acknowledge that hurt but make a conscious decision that that hurt will no longer control our imagination and power our behaviour.
One of the best ways to forgive is to seek blessing upon our enemy. Quite the opposite of Schadenfreude. Blessing our enemy actually frees the heart because hatred and blessing do not go together. Pray for them and ask the Lord to bless them because they need it. The Germans also gave us another composite word: Freudenfreude which means brother’s joy, that is, the enjoyment of another person’s success. Perhaps this is the test. True freedom to forgive comes when we are able to rejoice that our enemy has done well. To forgive is to trust and say “You, O Lord, are a better judge than I can ever be”.
