The best time to celebrate the Holy Family is for Christmas to fall on a Wednesday because it allows space for the preacher to breathe. Otherwise, we just rush from Christmas to the Holy Family. How do we speak of the Holy Family? Certainly, this pandemic has emphasised the family as well put more strain on it. Some are separated on account of work. They suffer from missing their family. Others, stuck at home, family life has been a joy or occasions of sin. In close spaces, they get on each other’s nerve.
More and more, the Church’s kerygma or proclamation is being restricted by thought policing which could, in some ways, reduce the Feast of the Holy Family to a Sunday of platitudes.
What do I mean by that?
Firstly, the present concept of the family is more fluid than fixed. The idea is fundamentally governed by the tenets of diversity and inclusivity which effectively renders our teaching on the subject matter “judgemental” as soon as it deviates from the accepted conventional wisdom or the prescribed narrative. According to the present diktat, a family is anything but God-given. Since we deal with cold hard facts, the criteria for what a family is must remain within the domain of social construct. It is up to us to define what a family should be. This makes preaching about the topic difficult.
Given the challenge, let us start with what we have—a platitude. The Holy Family is the model for our families. Even though scanty, the Gospel gives us glimpses of their lives. Joseph and Mary’s travel to Bethlehem for the imperial census taking, the labour of Mary and delivery of the Child Jesus in a shack for animals, the presentation at the temple where the Mother is reminded that a sword will pierce her heart. Then, the sudden midnight flight into Egypt. Later, the traumatic 3-day separation of the child Jesus from their parents after their visit to Jerusalem. In other words, despite holding the title “holy”, they were not immune to the many travails and trials that “normal” families undergo.
In their tribulations, we have a lot in common with them. However, there are two verses from Luke’s Gospel which might make us think beyond platitudes. “Meanwhile the Child grew to maturity, and He was filled with wisdom; and God’s favour was with Him” (Lk 2: 40). “And Jesus increased in wisdom, stature and in favour with God and men” (Lk 2: 52).
We can presume that Jesus grew in maturity under the purview of both Mary and Joseph. Nobody grows up in a vacuum. We come from relationships, good or bad. Thus, when He left at the age of 30, Jesus would have had a great deal of experience living with Mary and Joseph. This is perhaps where we leave the platitudes and face some hard facts about the human family. What state is the family in today?
Firstly, both Joseph and Mary were involved in the life of the Child Jesus. As the Gospel illustrated today, they both presented Him in the Temple. They took Him every year to Jerusalem showing that religion was not a one-parent affair as it would be in so many of our families especially when one spouse is a Catholic. This is not a judgement against the one-Catholic-parent phenomenon as it is an inconvenient picture of life since we live in a multi-religious country.
The point is the involvement in the religious formation of children. For many, this would mean equipping them with information. Register the children and sending them dutifully for their Sunday catechism. But, training them in the faith is more than just information. It requires that a parent or both parents themselves know the faith and live the faith. This connexion between knowledge and life is the basis for our credibility. What we believe should be how we live—Lex credendi, lex vivendi.
It is not always easy. For example, parents in an irregular relationship, as in a divorcee who is remarried civilly. The couple wants their child to be baptised. How does that work? Canon 868 §1, 2°, states that “there be a realistic hope that the child will be brought up in the Catholic religion. If such hope is truly lacking, the baptism is, in accordance with the provisions of particular law, to be deferred and the parents advised of this reason”. The divorced and remarried Catholic partner, in effect, is living in sin, which is a compromised position as far as lex credendi, lex vivendi goes. It sounds politically incorrect to use the moral terminology “living in sin” but it is a fact. Of course, pastorally, we try our best to help the irregular couple sort out their situation. But, for some reasons that they cannot or do not want to regularise their situation, we would have no choice but to refuse the baptism of the child.[1]
In this victim-sensitive era, such a decision would be considered too “judgemental” and “uncaring”. One can always cite the German experience whereby the laws of the Church should be tailored according to our situation. Since more and more people are getting divorced and remarried, why not Holy Communion for them? Are we not supposed to show mercy? If they want to baptise a child, why not?
Instead of presenting the teaching of the Church as a challenge for us to live according to the will of God, we are often asked to accommodate the human condition which begs the question for us to reflect on. Is the family merely a human construct? Or does the human family belong to the will of God for mankind?
Christ Himself was clear that marriage belongs to God’s providence. From the beginning God created Man, male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Thus, the Church teaches that marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Consistently, through the centuries, the Church has upheld the sanctity of marriage and family life. As such, what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Furthermore, the Church believes that life begins at conception. Finally, children have to care for their aged parents for that is an integral part of honouring one’s parent.
The will of God remains that the building block of every morally functioning society is the family. It is central to humanity’s well-being. But more and more we are being socialised through the mainstream media that the family is nothing more than just an arrangement of choice and convenience. Just watch any of the content offerings on Netflix and you will get to see all kinds of arrangements passed off as “family”. It is a subtle process of normalising what was once outside of normal.
If the will of God for man is our starting point, then these alternative forms of family we socially construct is nothing more than legal fiction. They are not salvific no matter how much we pretend or protest that they are.
Our experience of Big Tech, misinformation and manipulation has shown us that what is “good” can be framed or shaped according to the diktats of those in control.[2] These powers that be may have the upper hand. We may not be able to rewrite the imposed narrative but what is within our control is our cooperation with grace. As St John Paul II exhorted: “Family, become what you are”.[3] The formula of becoming a family is found in the 2nd Reading used for Year A.[4] In short, to become what you have been called to be, follow the example of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. We cooperate with God’s grace in showing to the world that the family has always been what God had intended for the good of mankind. The Holy Family is holy as a whole because each one of them is a Saint.
[1] What is the point of baptising a child for a child ultimately not to live the faith?
[2] If you want to know what your spouse or children are at, use their Google search of their devices and you will get a glimpse of their preferences coming out as targeted advertising. I get a lot on Malaysia Airlines because I search for travel possibilities etc.
[3] John Paul II, Familiaris consortio, Nr 17.
[4] You are God’s chosen race, his saints; he loves you, and you should be clothed in sincere compassion, in kindness and humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with one another; forgive each other as soon as a quarrel begins. The Lord has forgiven you; now you must do the same. Over all these clothes, to keep them together and complete them, put on love. And may the peace of Christ reign in your hearts, because it is for this that you were called together as parts of one body. Always be thankful. Let the message of Christ, in all its richness, find a home with you. Teach each other, and advise each other, in all wisdom. With gratitude in your hearts sing psalms and hymns and inspired songs to God; and never say or do anything except in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, give way to your husbands, as you should in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and treat them with gentleness. Children, be obedient to your parents always, because that is what will please the Lord. Parents, never drive your children to resentment or you will make them feel frustrated. (Col. 3: 12-21)
